𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙰𝙻 𝙷𝙴𝙰𝙻𝚃𝙷 𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙽𝙴𝚂𝚂 𝙸𝙽 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙲𝚃𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝙾𝙵 𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙽𝚂:

Perspective#1: 15 - year - old Eliza Smith, Land O' Lakes, Florida

" At the root of this dilemma is the way we view mental health in this country. Whether an illness affects your heart, your leg or your brain, it's still an illness, and there should be no distinction." - Michelle Obama

Dear Reader:

I have always considered myself a happy person. I love the action of making others laugh and smile and bringing positivity into the world whenever I can. Sometimes smiles fool people. 43 muscles move to create a smile. However for many, those who put on a smile, may be a person struggling. To be quite honest, looks deceive. It's so easy for humans to jump to conclusions based on whats in front of them because yes, we do judge books by their cover. This is just human nature. It's what inevitably makes us human.

For me there have been countless times where I have question the realness of my smile. I have been in so many situations where I smile when others smile or laugh, when others laugh when on the inside I feel emotionless.

It was a few months ago when my pediatrician said I have depression. Depression is a versatile mental illness that is different everyone to the extent on how severe it is. For me it is mild. I wasn't the person that was shocked by this or denying that this is what I had because I knew something wasn't right when one night I laid in bed reviewing all the symptoms of depression and realized oh i think i have this. Lack of appetite was the most prevailing symptom when I went from a size 6 to 0. I wasn't intentionally starving myself. For me it was more of a feeling. A feeling that i wasn't hungry. My sleep schedule also changed as well. So many nights of not sleeping and falling asleep. I was irritable with everyone. I remember one night my uncle took me driving and i didn't do as good as i had in the past. I had a bad day that day in the sense where I wouldn't leave my bed, I was sad all day. Things that once made me happy weren't making me happy anymore. I pull up to the driveway and i remember breaking down into tears. I ran to my room and just broke down. No one came to my rescue, no one came to comfort me when I needed it. Often times we have to face our struggles alone. However, it would be unfair to not give credit to one of my best friends who has been there for me everyday for the past year and 4 months. (i will do toward the end)

I asked my self, what is triggering me to feel this way? The answer was moving from NY to Tampa to Land O Lakes. When i moved to Tampa I had to leave family and friends back in NY and i was so overly concerned about my friends in NY who now are cutoff from my life (except a few). When I got to Tampa i attended Alonso High School and I made the best group of friends I have ever made in my life. It's how they support for me. They know who they are. To have them be apart of my life was an honor. We used to go to target to get Starbucks and just talk. I felt truly myself there. Then Sophomore year of high school January 2021 I had to move to Land O' Lakes. I had to leave people I cared about behind again. I started my new school and I HATE IT. My mom and I got into fights about school in the sense where i wasn't keeping my mind open, but how could I when i am a teen who was established in a school where she was well loved and then having to go to a school where she can't have those same bonds she once did. I go to a school where they don't offer good AP Classes and have a very short elective list. I tried to express to my family about how I felt but like most parents of teens, they didn't listen.But There was nothing they could do being that this new school is my zoned school. For me my depression also stems from family pressure. Pressure to constantly do good and be perfect because I owe it to them to be successful and radiant when I AM NOT PERFECT. No human will ever be perfect. As well as, childhood experiences. I had a wonderful childhood with people who got me what I wanted but there was so much negativity and fighting around me, it is so easy to focus on those negatives because they are more impactful on our brains and our development as individuals.

My family have always said they are there for me but it never feels that way when it comes to telling them how I truly feel about certain things. I have been dismissed as a kid by a lot of people including "friends" with my feelings being called "overdramatic" for having human feelings. I love my family. My mom and grandma are my biggest role models. My mom has clinical depression and has dealt with it. And I go to her sometimes in hopes she might understand where I am coming from but sometimes she just doesn't understand because her times and my times are different. However, our problems are still our problems no matter how different they are. It's not that I think my life is so hard. Depression can stem from anything. It's more so, I have feelings, thoughts , and problems that i sometimes can't control or don't know what they specifically are. And for many parents it’s hard for them to understand us and it’s hard for us to understand them. But like she always says it works both ways and I want to better my relationship with her in the sense that she can tell me her troubles and I can tell her mine and we just talk. But I should also see her side and see how she feels. Adding onto, I’m extremely grateful and thankful for my family for raising me to be the female I am today. I couldn’t have been so mature and well rounded if it wasn’t for them. I love you all so much you are my inspirations.

The one person in my life who has been there through my problems and world wind of thoughts and emotions is my best friend Robin. For the past year and a few months when I was feeling this way and had no one to go to he was their for me and let me vent about anything and everything even if I felt I was being annoying with all my problems. Even if he couldn’t give the best advice he was just there to listen. Which is something everyone needs - someone to listen to them. He has been the it every single day through snapchat 😂 from March 13th, 2020 til now and I’m very thankful he was there to just listen to me. When I cried over the phone screaming and in pain he was there. I couldn’t have made it through my dark patch without him. So if you're reading this. Thank you. And I love you so much. As well as my bestie Bertha for hyping me up endlessly. It was her that truly influenced me to be even more confident with who I am so thank you. I love you so much.

For me, I truly believe our problems and struggles don't define us. We all go through something wether that is a good or bad event. In the past I have let my internal thoughts control me and define me, however, I realize now that I have the ability to have control over how I can manage my struggles with depression & anxiety. Adding onto, finding ways to cope and balance my thoughts. I love listening to music because it is my escape into a new world, dancing alone helps me release stressors of the day. I also enjoy watching the sunset because every day ends and a new day begins. Lastly, I love HUGSSS!!!! But with COVID that part might be a little difficult lol….

I hope to use my platform and voice as Miss Land O Lakes Teen USA to promote mental health and allow friends, family, humans to share their stories and experiences to help others who may be going through the same thing. As well as share their experiences 100% authentically, talking about anything and everything.

#letgo

#mentalhealthawarenessmonth

#teenperspective

#MissLOLTeenUSA

XOXO,

Eliza Smith